May 30, 1999
And with the coming of man shall also come the darkness and through the darkness shall rise the end of mankind....
or something like that.
This past week I have been bombarded with images and ideas from quite a few places and people, none of which have eased the terror I feel, or is it relief and gladness. This has been the first week that I have not had to answer to anyone except myself, ever. It was my parents, then the navy, then a wife and lastly school. But i graduated last weekend and tho i don't have my diploma yet, they said maybe october, i am done. i don't have a job right now and that hurts a little but neither do i have anyone or thing hovering over me wondering what my next move will be.
i have been talked to about power, about direction for a job, responsibility, my daughter and about a love life or lack there of. how i need to protect my power and my life from others, how i need to make sure that i take care of my responsibilities to those around me who will depend on me - yes those who will. i gained respect and responsibility graduating and when i had an interview this past week i learned that along with that respect and responsility comes some perks, like an increased salary. i don't have the job yet and i was reluctant to apply there but i did. ya gotta eat.
and then there is love, i find the subject disconcerting and overly worrysome. too much left to chance and too little trust in relationships today. there is a possibility that i might have a real good one but then why take the chance anymore. i have my daughter, she has a mother she doesn't need another. i have had lovers and could have others but do i need or especially want another woman to share in my life. at this point in time i am glad that i don't have to make a decision about that.
Or do I.
Every day I sit and wonder about the things that we as a race have set forth unto the world at large. This past week I read on the net that we as humans were at one point extinct not too long ago, say 60,000 years. The blink of an eye in planetary time terms. Chimpanzes, who are our closest living relatives have the genetic code of over 600 possibilities, we have only one. Its not survival of the fittest and its not Darwin's theory of natural selection, it is now a proven scientific theory (not fact) that the human race as we know it now almost died out recently. How close are we to doing just that again.
Or could it be that the things we are discovering like AIDS are leading us to our demise just as quickly as they did before. Its a simple scenerio, there are a few people who are immune to the AIDS virus, and if everyone else dies from it leaving those few left to repopulate the earth, the gene pool is thinned out yet again.
Or it could have been aliens who came down and took most of the population to be slaves on some distant world and we are about due for another visit.
Or not.
No one really knows, I admit that I have seen "aliens" and flying craft that defy physics as I understand them and that I don't know for sure if I'll get this job, but I can safely say that regardless of what happens in the next few minutes everyone has a responsibility to themselves to do something for themselves.
This week I have been rambling and liking it. Take care.